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It’s not as long as you might think.

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If you've ever watched an episode of Catfish, you know how treacherous the texting waters can be. It’s so easy to fall into that gray area between meeting online and meeting up IRL. And once you start to build a rapport over texting, it can feel even more intimidating to meet face-to-face, because what if that person you’ve been texting with isn’t who you thought you were? While there’s no right answer for how long to text before a first date, it is important to do some texting before a meet-up, both for safety reasons and to check for deal-breakers.

When it comes to texting before a first date, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person before moving on to setting up an actual date. Oftentimes, either the conversation would go stale or — when we did finally meet up in person — there was an inevitable letdown. I figured that was just how online dating went. Turns out, I was just doing it all wrong. I reached out to online dating experts to get the scoop on meeting someone for the first time after texting, and the timeline between digital and real-life contact is probably shorter than you think.

According to dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala, you and a potential date should probably text for “two to three days, enough to establish safety but not enough time to know important things about them via text instead of in person.” She adds, “You want to meet in person as quickly as possible because some people can have great texting chemistry but then aren't attracted to the person.”

Online dating coach and relationship expert Damona Hoffman agrees. When it comes to moving from texting to the first date, the sooner the better. “You want to keep the texting light, playful and short-lived before the first date,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Why? Because texting creates a false sense of intimacy that may lead to oversharing, since “when you are getting to know someone over text, you inevitably end up sharing things that you would never say face-to-face.”

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Since texting is a limited tool to get to know someone before meeting, should you consider other forms of conversation prior to the date? The experts are split on this. Chlipala says no — head straight into meeting in person, safely. “In person is the best way to gauge chemistry,' she says. 'If you're worried about your safety, have an afternoon date and have a friend check in with you or tell them where you will be and that you'll text them when you're home.'

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Hoffman, on the other hand, does encourage reaching out by phone prior to meeting. “I’m a big fan of the brief pre-date phone call,' she says. 'You can tell much more about how you will interact with one another by phone when you can instantly respond and banter with one another than over text in which the words are often more carefully chosen and an image is being cultivated. Also, once you have spoken to one another, you become more real than just a face on an app or a name on a phone, and you are less likely to be stood up on the first date or ghosted early on.”

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Spira puts it best when she says, “If you feel online chemistry, why wait? Schedule the date to see how you feel when you meet. If you don't, maybe someone else will, and life is too short to be filled with regrets.” So go ahead and make a date — you can’t just text with your crush forever.

Sources:

Anita Chlipala, dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist

Julie Spira, online dating expert

Damona Hoffman, online dating coach and relationship expert

Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.

It’s not as long as you might think.

Originally Published:

If you've ever watched an episode of Catfish, you know how treacherous the texting waters can be. It’s so easy to fall into that gray area between meeting online and meeting up IRL. And once you start to build a rapport over texting, it can feel even more intimidating to meet face-to-face, because what if that person you’ve been texting with isn’t who you thought you were? While there’s no right answer for how long to text before a first date, it is important to do some texting before a meet-up, both for safety reasons and to check for deal-breakers.

When it comes to texting before a first date, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person before moving on to setting up an actual date. Oftentimes, either the conversation would go stale or — when we did finally meet up in person — there was an inevitable letdown. I figured that was just how online dating went. Turns out, I was just doing it all wrong. I reached out to online dating experts to get the scoop on meeting someone for the first time after texting, and the timeline between digital and real-life contact is probably shorter than you think.

According to dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala, you and a potential date should probably text for “two to three days, enough to establish safety but not enough time to know important things about them via text instead of in person.” She adds, “You want to meet in person as quickly as possible because some people can have great texting chemistry but then aren't attracted to the person.”

Online dating coach and relationship expert Damona Hoffman agrees. When it comes to moving from texting to the first date, the sooner the better. “You want to keep the texting light, playful and short-lived before the first date,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Why? Because texting creates a false sense of intimacy that may lead to oversharing, since “when you are getting to know someone over text, you inevitably end up sharing things that you would never say face-to-face.”

Since texting is a limited tool to get to know someone before meeting, should you consider other forms of conversation prior to the date? The experts are split on this. Chlipala says no — head straight into meeting in person, safely. “In person is the best way to gauge chemistry,' she says. 'If you're worried about your safety, have an afternoon date and have a friend check in with you or tell them where you will be and that you'll text them when you're home.'

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Hoffman, on the other hand, does encourage reaching out by phone prior to meeting. “I’m a big fan of the brief pre-date phone call,' she says. 'You can tell much more about how you will interact with one another by phone when you can instantly respond and banter with one another than over text in which the words are often more carefully chosen and an image is being cultivated. Also, once you have spoken to one another, you become more real than just a face on an app or a name on a phone, and you are less likely to be stood up on the first date or ghosted early on.”

Spira puts it best when she says, “If you feel online chemistry, why wait? Schedule the date to see how you feel when you meet. If you don't, maybe someone else will, and life is too short to be filled with regrets.” So go ahead and make a date — you can’t just text with your crush forever.

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Sources:

Anita Chlipala, dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist

Julie Spira, online dating expert

Damona Hoffman, online dating coach and relationship expert

Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.